the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
