Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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