Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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