I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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