Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
