She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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