I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
