I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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