I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
