Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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