your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think my tv is drunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
