Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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