We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
