its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
