So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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