i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
