i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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