Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just found a bag of teeth...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He better not be in your backpack
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
