her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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