Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
