JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
