We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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