You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
