oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
