Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
