There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
