I feel like abortions should bother me more
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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