I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
