The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
