I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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