It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
