im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
