oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
