I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
