I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
