so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
