im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
