2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
