i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
