I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
