how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
