hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
