Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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