I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
