it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
