Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
