if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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