i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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