I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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