four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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