i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
