I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My vagina is officially offended.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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