There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i now understand why vodka
I need a beard to bite.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
