never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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