she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
