is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
