yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
