quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
